A few weeks ago the closest person to me asked me a scary question, “where do you see yourself in 3-5 years?" I heard it. I sort of processed it. I was surprised by it…for many reasons. First of all, I was surprised because I was asked by this person. Secondly, I was surprised because even with all the thoughts running through my head, there was no definite answer. Hold on, of course I had AN answer, but not an answer (does that makes sense?). What I said back was the clearest thing in my head at that moment and I said it without hesitation, “anywhere with you”. Yup, that’s what I said. Anywhere with you. It’s true, so why not say it? Anywhere with you is more than enough for me. Scary answer to a scary question. But I digress, this entry is not about how I love this person so much that I would go to Timbuktu just to be with them. Nope, not at all. This entry is about something much more.
As much as that question scared the hell out of me because I really don’t know where I will be or want to be in 3-5 years, I heard something more scary a few days ago. During my yearly check up with my doctor (one in which you should all be getting!) I had the tiniest of health scares, I mean tinnnnyy compared to what type of illnesses/diseases are out there these days. But still, as tiny as it is, it opened my eyes. I was told that, “if not treated this can lead to death”.
Hold on.
What?
If not treated, this can lead to death.
Hold on.
What?
If not treated, this can lead to death.
If not treated this can lead to death???
WHAT? When did life get so complicated and precious at the same time? Just like the other question a few weeks back; I heard it. I sort of processed it. I was surprised by it. I mean, it’s one thing not to know where you will be in 3-5 years, but it’s another thing to know that you may not even have 3-5 years to begin with. What will I do now? What should I do now? What will this do to my family? Friends? That closest someone? WTF?? I’m sure “ lead to death” is the worst possible scenario, and I’m banking on the fact that it is, but whoa!, if God wanted to open my eyes to something, He surely did!
I don’t know why I’m writing this. It’s close to 2am on a Saturday night…errr Sunday morning now, and let’s be honest, this is a little bit depressing in my books, but I think I’m writing this to get it off my mind, to get it off my heavy chest. This is just a way to put it out there. A way to try to get my head around things. All I’ve been doing is thinking thinking thinking, and over thinking is not a good thing.
So I sort of have a plan. Sort of being the operative word. I’m putting this out there, to the void; to you, whoever you are. I never knew life could be so complicated and simple at the same time. I never ever thought I would be put in the position of questioning my time here. I never thought that at my late twenties, this would be the thing that changes all things. This tiny scare could mean nothing in the end, and I’m hoping this is the case, but it’s big enough for me to know what I need to do. So, here I go, about to do…
WHAT? When did life get so complicated and precious at the same time? Just like the other question a few weeks back; I heard it. I sort of processed it. I was surprised by it. I mean, it’s one thing not to know where you will be in 3-5 years, but it’s another thing to know that you may not even have 3-5 years to begin with. What will I do now? What should I do now? What will this do to my family? Friends? That closest someone? WTF?? I’m sure “ lead to death” is the worst possible scenario, and I’m banking on the fact that it is, but whoa!, if God wanted to open my eyes to something, He surely did!
I don’t know why I’m writing this. It’s close to 2am on a Saturday night…errr Sunday morning now, and let’s be honest, this is a little bit depressing in my books, but I think I’m writing this to get it off my mind, to get it off my heavy chest. This is just a way to put it out there. A way to try to get my head around things. All I’ve been doing is thinking thinking thinking, and over thinking is not a good thing.
So I sort of have a plan. Sort of being the operative word. I’m putting this out there, to the void; to you, whoever you are. I never knew life could be so complicated and simple at the same time. I never ever thought I would be put in the position of questioning my time here. I never thought that at my late twenties, this would be the thing that changes all things. This tiny scare could mean nothing in the end, and I’m hoping this is the case, but it’s big enough for me to know what I need to do. So, here I go, about to do…
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